Monthly Archives: July 2003

PayDay – a humorous CGI script by Stan Kilgore

PayDay – a humorous CGI script by Stan Kilgore

If you repost these “scripts” anywhere, be certain to leave the copyright information intact.

PayDay.Cgi           Sarah.Cgi
#!/usr/bin/perl

####################################################
# payday.cgi
# written by Stan Kilgore http://www.oneclickpic.com
# stankilgore@gmail.com on July 8, 2003.
# If you send this script to anyone, please leave
# this header in place. This humor script
# copyrighted 2003-2016 by Stan Kilgore.
###################################################

$paycheck = 750;

$pocketchange = $paycheck – (($kids * 3) + $wife);

if($pocketchange > 10.00) { &bar; } else { die; }

open(MOUTH,”<<goodexscuses.txt”);>
while() {
@all = split(/\n/);
foreach $exscuse (@all) {
$exscuse =~ s/s/sh/eg;
$exscuse =~ s/sweetheart/baby/eg;
$excuse =~ s/$time/$time-2/eg;
print $exscuse;
if($reply ne “OK, dear…”) {
$hole_dug++;
}
}
}
close(MOUTH);

if($hole_dug > 6) { die; } else { exit; }

########################################
# Subroutines
########################################

sub bar {

my $beer = 0;
their $price = 2;

while($pocketchange >= 2) {
if($request eq “Gimmie a beer, bartender!) {
$beer++;
$pocketchange = $pocketchange – 2;
}
}

my $bartab = 0;

while($beer < 12) {
if($pocketchange = 0) {
$bartab = $bartab + 2;
$beer++;
}

return;
}

}

 

Sarah – a humorous CGI script by Stan Kilgore

Sarah – a humorous CGI script by Stan Kilgore

If you repost these “scripts” anywhere, be certain to leave the copyright information intact.

PayDay.Cgi           Sarah.Cgi
This is the sarah script. I typed it from a hand written page that Stan had done. If the set-up and spacing of this one isn’t perfect… that would be my fault. LOL.

#!/usr/bin/perl

####################################################
# sarah.cgi
# written by Stan Kilgore http://www.oneclickpic.com
# stankilgore@gmail.com on July 2, 2003.
# If you send this script to anyone, please leave
# this header in place. This humor script
# copyrighted 2003-2016 by Stan Kilgore.
###################################################

@call_sarah {
print ("SARAH!!!")
pause (5);
if ($response="Huh?") {
kill --> Sarah;
exit;

}

until ($response ne "coming...") {
pause(more);

}

input sarah "Hey Daddy, guess what?";
if ($my_response = "What?" {
until ($useless_trivia = 500) {
Sarah -->print $useless_trivia;
$useless_trivia ++;

}

}else{
$my_reponse = "Your Mom wants you...";
dad --> print $my_reponse;

{

exit sarah;

}